A big secret in her heart; “How do I know that she really loves me?” This is a frequent question that many men find asking themselves. Yes, how do I know that my dear Saina loves me? It’s a question worthy asking and to a greater extent with a greater meaning to a desperate man pressed from either side to get married and who has immensely invested on a woman.
I am not bragging to say I have wealthy friends even though gutter rats are still my friends. The other day one of my friends, a male friend asked me, “I have bought her a car, rented her a new apartment in one of the kingly estates in town and on top of that I’m always making sure she doesn’t lack anything. But the more I become caring, the more she keep distancing herself from me. What could be the meaning of her behavior- does it mean she don’t love me?”
I am not a relationship advisor and so I didn’t ask him how she is distancing herself. I just told him to give her more time she might change, that maybe she is just overwhelmed by his many surprises.
I wonder why my friends trust me so much with their stories. Just very recently another friend came asking;
“John, what do I do man?”
“What do you do, why?” I asked anxiously and very curious.
“Do you remember Carol the girl I told you we met in a dance floor?”
“Yeah, why not… I do. What happened, usiniambie ushafunga goal?”
“No, that’s not the story.”
“Tell me then, maybe I can help.”
“She is so beautiful, a girl of a good heart, caring, intelligent, somebody to be trusted and very loving. In fact my parents were very happy when they saw her. But despite all that, there is a problem…”
“Problem! What problem, ishindwe.”
“The girl is HIV positive.”
I asked very surprised, “HIV what! How? Don’t tell me you are also…”
“No, I’m not. I know you are wondering how!”
“Of course I am.”
“She never allowed me. I thought she never loved me, I thought she just wanted to use and then dump me- because anytime I asked for it, she kept saying a big NO. And when I tried to tell her that I don’t see the reason of her refusal and yet she is about to become my wife, she kept telling me that if I really have to do it, we better use protection. I wondered what she wanted us to protect and I had assured her that I was ready to take up the responsibility of whatever might have been the outcome.
“I confronted her one day;
‘Carol, I doubts you love me. Why don’t you trust me?’
‘I love you dear- very much. I only don’t want to injure your feelings, hurt your trust and consequently break your heart. Let us go and get tested so that each can know the truth.’
‘Truth! What truth?’
“Thereafter we went and to my surprise Carol tested positive. I couldn’t believe the doctor. I thought he was lying or maybe there was something wrong with his equipment.
‘How come? Can it be repeated?’ I furiously asked the doctor, ‘you must be lying to us. This can’t be true.’
‘It’s true my dear,’ carol said. ‘I knew you loved me and that’s why I insisted we use protection or we come here. It’s true I have house the virus for about three years now.’
‘It’s a long story my dear but to be precise; I was dragged into a pub by my friends three years ago while still in campus. It is in there that I met with a sponsor, an old man, double of my age, he died last year by the way. He was very caring, very supportive so therefore to pay him for his kindness, I cooperated and gave in to his advances little did I know that I was digging my grave. This is where, how and when it happened.
‘From thereon I knew my status and though I survives on ARVS, I vowed to revenge until I met you. I did not know that anybody can love me again. I thought that all men are the same- ever after misusing, infecting and dumping girls like that old man. Hence I have been giving myself so easily to men who came my way.
‘Woe to those who passed through me with no bad intention. But thank you because you have saved the innocent male fraternity.’
“She pause and directly looking to my eyes said, ‘I love you very much my dear and this is the only prove I could use to let you enter into my heart. You are a man of a good character and therefore I didn’t want to bring regrets into your life. Tell me now, what do we do?’ I couldn’t say anything, startled, tears flowing in two ways. I just grabbed her hands and after a long silence all I could tell her was, ‘let’s go home.’
“Tell me now John, what do I do?” he finally asked.
“I now understand you. It’s a big exam even to me but what I can tell you is that if you really love her, just apply the principles of ethics- give her peace and happiness and you will have saved many men. Do not punish her heart and send her back to the hungry world (that do not mind on what to take in) again. Better the devil you know.”